Mothers of Lost Children: Those Who Would Not Give In


Mothers of Lost Children: Those Who Would Not Give In 

by Julia Fletcher

February 9, 2011

Someone asked me the other day how my child and I survived the PAS set-up when most mothers and children don’t. This is how we survived: I gave in.

I stopped protecting my child. I stopped speaking out to save her. For seven long years before that, I knew I needed to protect her from further abuse. Everyone else knew it too. However, the more I tried to protect her, the more I risked losing all contact with her.

 The judge had already removed my daughter from our home, concerned that I would “run” to protect her. A year later, I was representing myself and knew I would need to convince the judge that I would not “run”.

Preparing for that trial, I spoke with two women about my child’s case. One of those women is an advocate working for a leading children’s rights organization. The other is a protective mother who was also a victim of the PAS scam. They spent about an hour with me in a conference call, convincing me of what I needed to do to save my child’s life.

Here’s what they told me:  I would need to give in.

I would need to stop protecting my child to save her. Most protective mothers play by the rules. We know our children. We know when to believe them. When they’re in danger we protect them. Those who use the PAS scam know that and use it to take our children from us. They don’t play by the rules. That’s how mothers of lost children lose their children. The mothers of lost children are those who would not give in.

Giving in means going against everything you believe in. Giving in means saying you’ve changed your mind about what you know to be true. Giving in is testifying in court and saying the exact opposite of that which you believe and the exact opposite of what you don’t believe. It means that you don’t protect your child with all the evidence of abuse. Even though experts believe the abuse occurred, you say they must have been mistaken. You say you’re not concerned by what you saw, what you heard, and what you know in your heart is true.

Most mothers do not give in. The harder they fight to protect their children, the more they lose them. I prepared my closing argument and went to the court to recite it. I read it to the judge and didn’t believe a word of what I was saying. As soon as I gave in, those who were using the “PAS” scam to try to take my child from me no longer had a reason. I dissociated from my gut-wrenching fear. I became the one who was calm, cool and collected. It was then that they started to panic. It was the beginning of the end of that total and absolute hell.

That’s how my child and I survived.

Since then, I’ve carried with me a small pang of guilt, knowing that I gave in – and those mothers who held tightly to their truth lost their children.

I saw this video online and would like to share it with the Mothers of Lost Children who will be at the Valentine’s Day demonstration this coming weekend in Washington, D.C.

Without regard for divisive politics and without knowing the history of the people in Tunisia, I saw the beauty of the courage of those demonstrating for justice and peace on the other side of the world. It made me think of how much more courage the Mothers of Lost Children will need to have to demonstrate in Washington, D.C. this weekend.

There might be only fifty mothers who make it there. Most of us have no money left to travel. There won’t be thousands of our fellow citizens supporting us. Most Americans have no idea that this is happening to thousands of mothers and children in this country.

The federal investigations sort of already began with the funds provided for non-profit organizations to study the crisis and find solutions.

The Mothers of Lost Children are demanding more. They want a full and comprehensive federal investigation now. They are those who will not give in.

This message is posted with the video on YouTube :

“…Whatever their faith,

may God bless all those who seek their freedom throughout the world.

And who sometimes have to fight for it  

The language doesn’t matter, listen to the spirit in the song…”


 Amal Mathluthi – My Word is Free (Kelmti Horra)

I am those who are free and never fear
I am the secrets that will never die
I am the voice of those who would not give in
I am the meaning amid the chaos

I am the right of the oppressed
That is sold by these dogs (people who are dogs)
Who rob the people of their daily bread
And slam the door in the face of ideas

I am those who are free and never fear
I am the secrets that will never die
I am the voice of those who would not give in
I am free and my word is free
I am free and my word is free
Don’t forget the price of bread
And don’t forget the cause of our misery
And don’t forget who betrayed us in our time of need

 I am those who are free and never fear
I am the secrets that will never die
I am the voice of those who would not give in
I am the secret of the red rose
Whose color the years loved
Whose scent the rivers buried
And who sprouted as fire
Calling those who are free

I am a star shining in the darkness
I am a thorn in the throat of the oppressor
I am a wind touched by fire
I am the soul of those who are not forgotten
I am the voice of those who have not died

Let’s make clay out of steel
And build with it a new love
That becomes birds
That becomes a country/home
That becomes wind and rain

I am all the free people of the world put together
I am like a bullet
I am all the free people of the world put together
I am like a bullet

English translation of lyrics by Chris

2 thoughts on “Mothers of Lost Children: Those Who Would Not Give In

  1. Dear Julia,

    A real mother has to do whatever she has to do to get her children back safely. If you gave in and your child is safe, that’s what counts and I admire you for that.

    I almost gave in too, but my heart told me not to do it. My heart told me to fight for what I believe is the right path to take. I did and my child is safe. If I have to do it again, I will.


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